i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
