I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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