it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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