Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
