Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We're using joints as your birthday candles
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Randomize
