It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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