Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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