Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
try to milk me bitch
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