A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
