So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
