I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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