He is an equal opportunity slut.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
