I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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