I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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