Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
