My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
