Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
