I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
