I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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