so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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