I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
