my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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