I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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