We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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