if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
