Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
