he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
