i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
