she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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