Screwed.edu
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
