I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
