My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
