you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
