I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
