Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
