I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
