I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
