i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
