I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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