So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
