I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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