I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
