Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
