forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
