and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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