I can text with my tongue
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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