That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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