No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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