So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
