Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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