i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
