You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
