think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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