Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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